Wednesday, November 24, 2010

I want an express to my stationitis

Since last Wednesday there has been a huge surge in cases reported to GPs of the serious disease known as "I want an express to my stationitis". This disease often coincides with the announcement of a new train timetable. For the first time ever in Queensland this disease has spread before a new timetable, possible caused by TransLink actually consulting with commuters for a change. Symptoms include high blood pressure, and the opinion that there must be an express service to their station with complete disregard to commuters further down the line. The victim of "I want an express to my stationitis" often writes multiple complaints to QR, TransLink, QR, politicians, QR, shadow politicians, QR, and in severe cases writing to the Courier Mail's editor. Often the victim has severe delusion, and actually thinks that complaining will make a difference.

The recent surge of cases has been in areas close to the Ipswich and Caboolture Line, with almost epidemic proportions of cases on the Sunshine Coast. A minor outbreak in Oxley may be able to be counteracted with "free QR muffins". Authorities are preparing for an outbreak in Cleveland and Ferny Grove when the stage 2 timetable consultation is released early next year. No cases are expected on the Tennyson Line due to the recent extinction of public transport commuters in that area.

There are various known methods of reducing the symptoms. The best methods are working from home, taking early retirement, or moving to another city that has moved beyond 1960s thinking. Many "smart state" politicians recommend that driving instead of catching public transport will reduce the symptoms, especially if you pay a road toll. BrizCommuter has found that catching buses instead of taking the train has helped reduced his symptoms since QR took away express trains from Enoggera.

It should be noted that "I want an express to my stationitis" is different to a disease that affects Gold Coast Line commuters, with symptoms that makes the sufferer think that they are living in Bombay.
 Delusional symptoms that include thinking that the "QR quiet carriage" is actually quieter than any other carriage are also not to be confused with "I want an express to my stationitis".

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