Sunday, April 1, 2018

GC2018 - QR to Add New Sporting Events!

GC2018 Medals
Due to Queensland Rail's (QR) #RailFail, NGR Fail, and pretty much everything else fail, here are a list of additional competitive sporting events for the Gold Coast 2018 Commonwealth Games (GC2018):

  • Waiting for Train Endurance Marathon - in this event, competitors see how long they can wait for a QR train to turn up. Sunshine Coast Line commuters are hotly tipped to be Gold Medal winners, with gaps between trains averaging 2 hours. Though after Saturday's cancellation of an hourly service, Redcliffe Line passengers may be rank outsiders. Disqualification occurs if the competitor gives up and drives to their destination instead. 
  • Waiting for Connecting Bus Endurance Marathon - another event that only involves burning energy through boredom. The likely Gold Medal winners are those who have to wait 100 minutes for a broken rail to bus connection at Landsborough. Disqualification occurs if the competitor ends up covered in cobwebs. 
  • Stationary Queueing (AKA 0m Sprint) - Due to the 35,000 capacity Carrara stadium emptying out onto a train line with a capacity of less than 7,000 passengers per hour, there may be a lot of people taking part in this event at the same time. Disqualification occurs if the competitor moves an inch. 
  • Long Distance Bladder Holding - With the combination of unaccessible NGR train toilets, broken train toilets, trains without toilets, hourly trains, and locked station toilets, there may be many in the running for this pelvic floor muscle quenching event. Disqualification occurs if the competitor has a sneaky pee behind the station bike storage bins, uses a nappy, or wets themselves.
  • Station to Work 400m Sprint - this may be jointly won by thousands of Brisbane commuters who are still unaware that their peak train services have been reduced by 50% for nearly three weeks. Disqualification occurs if the competitor actually understands all 4 different timetables for rail commuters in April. There are likely to be very few disqualifications. 
  • Spin and Delusion Ball - this will go to the first politician or authority to declare the GC2018 Transport Plan a "success", and could be won by the Department of Transport and Main Roads / TransLink, Peter Beattie, Kate Jones MP, Queensland Rail, Transport Minister Mark Bailey MP, or Premier Annastacia Palaszczuk MP. Disqualification occurs if the competitor truthfully admits that SE Queensland public transport is a complete basket case. 


  1. Spin and delusion ball has been given a good go by Mark Bailey who said that anyone who claimed that no buses had turned up for 40 mins after the transport network broke down as expected at Broadbeach South. He was watching on the live feed as hundreds struggled to get to the opening ceremony and was more concerned about critics of 40Min waits than the meltdown.

  2. Here is another contender. This could even warrant (pun intended) a blog post of it's own. CEO of Commonwealth Games Security wants to media to stop asking uncomfortable questions:

    But Commonwealth Games officials insist staff numbers are being adequately managed.

    “We would say there’s probably exaggeration and a few of the issues have been taken a bit beyond what reality is, ” CEO of GOLDOC Mark Peters said.

    “Security is in a really good place and hopefully you all stop asking questions and we can get on with our job.”

    1. Given that there was a whole security tent unused at Carrara yesterday, I think there is a lack of security!

  3. And in the spirit of the games, para events are being held alongside these above events. Particular favorites are the Get Past The Toiletathon, Get on the train hurdle, and the ever present "Train-Bus" medley, a particularly difficult event for many para competitors.


All comments are reviewed before being published, and it may take a few days for comments to appear. If comments do not add to the conversation, or are just plain stupid, they will not be published.